One year ago today was the hardest day of my life. We had hopes of bringing a baby girl into the world, but our hearts were broken when we found out that she had died. Nothing can compare to that sinking, falling, moment in time when the world just doesn't seem like it will ever be right again.
Now that a year has passed, we are able to look back at all of the love that people have showed us, and continue to show us. Maybe that's one of the reasons difficult things happen to people... To bring out one of the best qualities in human beings, unconditional love for others who are struggling.
Today wasn't a day of sadness. It was a day of love and remembrance. It was also a day to remember others who are going through dark times of their own. I have a friend who just recently lost her twin baby girls after they were born on the 26th. So close to Rowan's birthday... It's those people who I think of now. Not myself. I was in her shoes a year ago and I haven't forgotten what it felt like. I doubt I ever will. Which is a good thing, because it gives one perspective and empathy for others.
I told Finn that it was Rowan's birthday today. And he said, "birthday cake?" I told him probably not today, but we would go get a balloon and a flower to put in the cemetery on a grave. He was really excited to let the balloon go up in the sky to "send it to Heaven for Rowan". We also looked through her memory box and at the book we had made for her.
I am grateful to God for carrying us through this year. And I am grateful that she will always be part of our family.