Monday, March 12, 2012

An angel in my life

Dear K,

The day I walked into the hospital was the worst day of my life. I was able to feel the Lord's comfort and love through you though, as you shared how you had lost your precious daughter at 32 weeks as well.  I know you were put into my life by a loving Heavenly Father and I will be forever grateful for you.

When Rowan was born I was so glad you were there. Besides Dennen, I needed you to help me know what to do. Thanks for helping me know to just gently dab her nose with a tissue to clean away the fluid. I was so worried because I didn't know how to care for her delicate body. Thanks for letting Dennen and I know it would be fine to bring Finn. We don't regret it. Finn loves the puppy as well, and it will be a way that we can tell him about his baby sister Rowan.

Words can't even describe what the letter you wrote means to me. I read it often. I'm the type of person that tends to get offended easily by what others say. You were right. People do say "stupid things." Thanks for reminding me that I just need to forgive them. Thanks for letting me know that men and women grieve differently. It has made me be able to not get upset with how Dennen is getting through this process. I realize that even though we grieve differently, it doesn't mean that he loves Rowan any less.

I don't know if you ever felt this way with your baby girl... But sometimes I get worried that I'll forget how Rowan changed my life. At first, part of me wanted to forget and fast forward so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain. But now, what I've learned from her is something I want to hold dear and let make me a better person. The journal you gave me has helped immensely with Rowan's memory. Thank you so much. You truly were an angel put into my life at the exact right moment in time by the hand of the Lord.

Hilary Frazier


Mal said...

Hilary, I've been thinking about you so much these last few weeks. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I have no idea how you feel right now, but l am thinking of you and know that the Lord is mindful of you. I think how unbearable it would be to lose my own daughter and cannot comprehend the depth of pain and loss. My best friend lost her little boy only an hour after he was born. She created a blog to work through her grief and be a support to other Mothers if you would like to look at it now or sometime in the future. Like you said in the letter she mentioned that sometimes people say really hurtful things when they are just trying to help. Her biggest struggle has been people who think she should be over it sooner or who can't comprehend how she could love a child so deeply who only lived an hour. But she has to take strength from those who do understand, appreciate the hearts of those who don't understand - but love her - and then put the rest of her heart into the hands of the Savior. When I was going through a very difficult time of my life, I was given a blessing by my bishop. In it it said that "He weeps to see you in so much pain" and I felt and knew that to be true with all of my heart. I know that the Lord feels your pain and while that doesn't make it any less painful or make it any easier right now, it will in time lift you up and carry you through. We love you so much.

The Kynastons said...

I'm so glad you had this person to help you during your hard time. Someone who really COULD understand what you were going through, because I know so many people (myself including) can't truly understand. I want to offer support in any way I can, but it's nice knowing you have these other angels in your life who can provide better insight and encouragement.