Saturday, March 10, 2012

Love

The other day someone left a comment on our blog.  She wrote, "while I was grieving, I found great assurances in the words of the Savior. On one of my loneliest, blackest days, I read in the New Testament, 'I will not leave you comfortless... Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I  unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.' John 14: 18,27.

I am grateful for the peace I have felt from the Lord. I know He is carrying me. I have felt the prayers of friends and family. I want to try and write everything down while the emotion I have is still strong and I remember exactly how I feel.

Some nights ago I was weeping and pleading with God that I would feel His love and arms wrap around me.  I was so angry that Finn didn't fully understand about Rowan's death and that he couldn't love and comfort me like I wanted him to. I wasn't accepting the fact that he is almost 2 and that how he is acting right now is normal (albeit an inopportune time).

Immediately after my prayer I was able to calm down. Then Dennen walked in with Finn. Finn gave me a huge hug around my neck from behind.  I know that Finn loves me and I get so happy when he gives me big squeezes around the neck.  There have been times since Rowan's death that Finn has looked me in the eyes and I know he understands I'm hurting.  When he came to see us and Rowan at the hospital, he hopped up on a little stool in front of where I was sitting and holding little Rowan's body. He put his precious hands on my knees and just looked in my eyes as if to say, "I'm so sorry for you mom."

I guess that night when Finn hugged me around the neck from behind, it was the Lord's way of letting me know He and Finn love me.


My awesome cousin Katie took these pictures of us at the Brighton cabin the day after Rowan's funeral.

4 comments:

hailey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hailey said...

Hilary,
Its been years since we've seen each other but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking and praying for you. My heart aches for you and your family. I am amazed by your strength and honesty as I have read your blog. Thank you for sharing your experience. You have inspired me to be a better mother and to always remember what is really important in life. You will continue to be in our prayers!
-Hailey (Young) Johnson

Maggie said...

Katie always takes the best photos of my family when I am not even thinking about it. I see she's done it again.

Leah said...

What a fantastic comment and verse. I'm so glad He mercifully gave you that hug through Finn.