Tuesday, April 3, 2012

What to say

To say that I've gained a little bit of insight when it comes to tragedy would be an understatement. Rowan has taught me so much and has helped me grow in ways I never thought possible. Now, every day I try to think, "what kind of a mother do Finn and Rowan want me to be?"

One trait that I have learned from having Rowan touch our lives is compassion. Compassion for humanity. Compassion for others that have hard things to go through in life and you might never even know it. Everyone has something to go through in this life that will be hard. I put this quote on the side of our blog because I want to make sure and remember it every day.

When life can get so, so rough, we sometimes just need others to be kind to us. I hope that I always remember what Rowan has taught me about kindness. I can't even express how much it has meant to us that people have written us notes, came and visited us, and shown that they care. We have truly seen the goodness that people have within them. Rowan has not only changed our lives for the better, but others as well.

Often times people worry about what to say to those who have had tragedy invade their lives. They fear saying something wrong. From one who has been there and known others who have too, all you need to say is, "I'm so sorry for your loss." The worst thing to say? Nothing. When others have ignored the fact that Rowan died it is very hurtful. Sometimes it may be hard to tell them face to face. Send a letter or card if it's hard for you to express your feelings to someone who is hurting. Your kind words will bring a little bit of light to someone who is going through so much darkness. You don't have to say much. Many times I just wanted someone to listen and let me cry.

Something else I've learned is that people who have had someone die, will want to talk about that person at some point in time. It may seem awkward to you when they start talking about their loved one, but I assure you that it is not awkward in any way for them. Remembering those who have died is important. I know when I talk about Rowan and the change she brought into my life I am so grateful and happy to be her mother.


leslee said...

I couldn't agree with you more. You are a very sweet person, and even more for writing this. Some people just don't know what to say. I can also say, it is great when you are ready to talk about things, it can help so many people that suffer in silence. Again, I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you've been through. xoxo

Emily Conkey said...

I just read your posts about Rowan and cried for you. You are so strong and your faith inspires and humbles me. I'm sending you lots of love!