Tuesday, July 3, 2012


I have a lot of friends and people that I know that had babies around the same time we had Rowan. I like seeing their pictures and how sweet their little spirits are. At the same time, it can still be kind of difficult to see others that have babies that would have been the same age as Rowan. I don't think other people who haven't been through a tragedy like ours can completely understand...

Everything is different. We've been changed. Does it take a tragedy in a person's life to change them? Sometimes I think it does. I have never had any point in my life where I've seen the meaning of life so clearly. It's something that's hard to explain. But I'll try. When we were holding her  there was a distinct feeling that nothing else mattered in the world besides her spirit that had come and left so quietly. The world and everything else seemed almost fake. Menial tasks were pointless. Her coming into our lives and touching us so deeply is something that we never want to take for granted. We don't ever want her life to have been in vain. I have never felt the veil between Heaven and Earth become so thin. I felt God and Christ in my life more then, than at any other point in time. Having her die was a big reality check on the things that truly matter in this life. And it's something that I need to make sure and remember every day.

Friends and family were willing to call and see if I was doing okay. At that point what was I supposed to say? Everything is fine? It wasn't. But what else is a person to say? I understand that people truly care and just wanted to do or say something. I appreciate that more than words can express. I appreciate that they were willing to invite me to do things. More than anything else, I didn't want to be alone. Alone with my thoughts. Eating me up. During the really difficult days following Rowan's death, I gained a true appreciation of the relationships we have with others. Whether it be family or friends, we need to tell them we love them, that we appreciate them, we need to spend time with them.

In the past I always waited for people to come and befriend me. Since Rowan's passing, I have tried a lot harder to take the initiative and befriend others first. If everyone waits around, no one will ever make new friends. What's the point of making friends? So we can help others, and they can help us through rough patches. We need each other. Since moving to Maine, I feel so blessed that we have met and made friends so quickly. Others have reached out to us as well. I know that Heavenly Father has made that possible. Friends help me not get homesick. I love my family and miss them, but I feel that friends can be just as close as family, and I am grateful for them.

Here is a song that I heard today that I really like. I think when people let God heal them, they can see blue skies again.

Blue Skies Again by Jessica Lea Mayfield on Grooveshark


The Kynastons said...

Awesome thoughts, Hil. I'm so glad you guys have made good friends out there already. That really does make the world of difference when you are living away from home and family. Thanks for sharing all of these things that you've gone/are going through. It's always a good reminder to me of what's important.

Anonymous said...

Hugs, Hilary...and thanks for sharing your insights...they are lessons for me, too. And...I'm still sorry that, when Dennen called to say that Rowan's gravestone had been laid, I didn't come to the cemetery right away. I could have taken a picture of the whole family--the three of you by Rowan's resting place.... Teaches me to follow promptings when they come...

Love all four of you, Gundi