Sunday, March 25, 2012

Thoughts

The morning of Rowan's funeral service, I prayed and prayed to know what Rowan wanted me to share. I flipped through some books I had been given when she died and immediately knew what she wanted me to share. I read this excerpt from 'Angel Children' as well as a poem from another book I'd been given.



"Why are our little children whom we love so tenderly, taken from us? One reason is to impel us to ask this very question; to fill us with a yearning to know; to draw out our very souls in a search for an explanation. Such a search leads us out of this world into a higher one, and discloses to us truths and principles which we must learn if ever we are saved in the kingdom of God. When one of our little ones is taken from us we are made to realize our helplessness, and that there is One in whose hand is held the power of life and death; and we begin to believe in God more than we did before. Faith in God, the principle by which we are saved, is strengthened." - Angel Children

"We little knew that morning,
God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It Broke our hearts to lose you,
You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.
You left us Beautiful memories,
Your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you,
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is Broken,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one By one,
The chain will link again."

-unknown

In the beginning, Rowan's death was extremely hard to come to terms with. I still remember being in the hospital, holding her, and having my whole being go into complete shock. I was just sobbing and staring off into nothing... Babies symbolize life, innocence, and unconditional love. To associate a baby with death went completely against all our expectations. Babies, the beginning of life, should not enter the world at what is seemingly the end. As we were preparing to receive Rowan and nourish a new life, our world quickly took a harsh change of direction. While preparing to give life, no one prepares to say goodbye.

At first I was angry with God. We miss Rowan terribly and yearn for what "might have been" at times, but there has been an indescribable, amazing peace that I have felt recently. Understanding and accepting that it was God's will that Rowan return to Heaven, has made me feel that peace. I can't even fully explain it... Besides just the fact of knowing and realizing that through Christ and God we can be healed. I've learned that although there may be little control over the events that take place in life, Christ provides the power to overcome them. No one is alone. And that, truly is a miracle.

2 comments:

The Murray Family said...

What a beautiful poem. I thought of you this week at work as I took care of a woman in her 80s who was about to die. As her children were gathered around her she told them she had raised them all here on earth and now she was ready to go meet and raise her son who had been stillborn 50 or so years earlier. This woman had had a long and happy life just as you will. She carried the memory of her son along with her and looked forward to the day she would meet him. I know the same will be true for you and Rowan. I am so amazed by your strength and faith. You are amazing!

The Kynastons said...

I thought the things you read at Rowan's funeral were absolutely the perfect things to share. You are so right about associating a baby with death just seems so totally wrong. It's hard for me to understand why things like that have to be part of people's life experience....I guess we won't ever really understand in this life. But I'm impressed with the insights you are gaining and the gospel perspective you have. Maybe someday you will know someone in the same situation as you and you'll be able to share all these things with them to help them through.